Ian tipped me off to a site that I'm sure has been posted all over the internet before, but it sure gave me a good laugh tonight. How to Write Unmaintainable Code is a hillarious list of techniques for "ensuring a job for life ;-)"
if you follow all these rules religiously, you will even guarantee yourself a lifetime of employment, since no one but you has a hope in hell of maintaining the code.
There's like 50 pages worth, it's truly an exhaustive list. Certainly too many good quotes to list, but here's a couple of my favorites...
Hungarian Notation is the tactical nuclear weapon of source code obfuscation techniques; use it! Due to the sheer volume of source code contaminated by this idiom nothing can kill a maintenance engineer faster than a well planned Hungarian Notation attack.
and
Use constant names like LancelotsFavouriteColour instead of blue and assign it hex value of $0204FB. The color looks identical to pure blue on the screen, and a maintenance programmer would have to work out 0204FB (or use some graphic tool) to know what it looks like. Only someone intimately familiar with Monty Python and the Holy Grail would know that Lancelot's favorite color was blue. If a maintenance programmer can't quote entire Monty Python movies from memory, he or she has no business being a programmer.
Priceless.